Well, this is your fault. You had your chance to sufficiently discourage me by telling me the first post was terrible, but, instead, you opted for polite encouragement. You probably thought, "Aw, he'll never post again, anyway, so I'll just say something nice." I made this mistake once. On night shift, three of us used to cook in the admin office every other weekend. We brought electric grills for bacon and eggs. We'd cook sausage gravy, and bake biscuits in the toaster oven. I suspect the morning shift came in after we'd cleared away the evidence and wondered why it smelled like a Denny's. On one such night, one of our group brought in this lemon bundt cake for dessert. It was just meh, but, of course, I politely said it was good. I spent the next two years secretly throwing away lemon cake and enduring the accompanying statement, "I brought that lemon cake you guys love." I should have known better, and you should have known better. You had your chance to tell me I stink like old seafood, and now you guys are stuck with lemon bundt cake because you didn't have the heart to risk hurting my feelings.
I reviewed my first post, and I realized I left out a few things I wanted in. It probably was already a little long to begin with and couldn't fit much else in it, anyway, so I'll update my progress in this one, and post the things I forgot. I also have one correction. I said my goal was half a pound a week, but it really was one pound per week. I have achieved an average of half a pound of loss a week. If you have ever had a similar result, you will likely agree that it's disappointing not to hit your goal. Try to look at it this way, though. When you're trying to amass wealth, it is better to accumulate it slowly, than to lose it quickly. A similar philosophy can be applied to weight loss. It is better to lose weight slowly, than to gain it quickly. I guess I could have shot for two pounds per week, and maybe settled for one, kind of like setting the alarm thirty minutes early so you can hit the snooze bar three times, but it's been hard enough for me to come close to the one pound goal. Failing miserably by shooting for two pounds might be too discouraging, though, so I'm sticking with the plan.
Now for some things you need to learn to help lose weight. Be ready to waste money. Eating less should mean buying less, right? And saving you money? Wrong-o. And I don't just mean buying the more expensive organic foods instead of the dollar menu at McDonalds. In fact, McDoubles, and Wendy's Double Stacks are a staple in my weight loss plan. They're like four or five hundred calories, and they're the type of meat, grease, and cheese on a bun foods that satisfy my cravings. The part that saves me from blowing the daily calorie limit is skipping fries. If you can't do that, then you probably have to skip fast food. The way they sucker you is that the cost of the value meal is practically the same as getting the sandwich and drink without fries, so we tell ourselves that we may as well get the meal. A six inch Subway sandwich is like three or four dollars, but you can get a foot long for five. You have to be ready to waste money. Skip the value. I know it's hard. Spending the same amount to get less stuff hurts, but you have to make this a new habit.
The other part that goes along with wasting money is wasting food. I've heard all about starving kids in Africa. I even made my kid cry once with that one when he was particularly ungrateful for the dinner we served. Do yourself a favor and forget that crap your parents taught you. It's making us fat. I know you've had "clean your plate" drilled deep into your psyche, but do the opposite, especially when the food sucks. Half way through a mediocre sandwich? Throw it the fook away. Eating a shitty meal will make you feel full for a bit, but it doesn't make me feel satisfied. I can still feel cravings for food even when I feel full if I haven't enjoyed it. If this happens to you, then you know what I'm talking about. It's better to satisfy the craving so you can stop thinking about food for a bit than to be full, but still dreaming about eating something good. Don't like crust on pizza, and eat it because you can't stand hearing people say, "but that's the best part"? Stop eating the damn crust if you don't like crust. As I typed it I heard in my head the part in quotes in the high pitchy-est, whiniest voice imaginable. If you heard it in that whiny voice as you read it, then, congratulations, you are as unbalanced as I am. Every time you can be full or satisfied, and manage to throw away half the fries, or half the slice, or half the drink (or skipping the refill that you always get because you want to get a little more for your money) you will be doing yourself a favor. If you will permit me to use another money analogy, in blackjack, you may be faced with a hand where no matter what you do, the odds are that you will lose the hand. In this situation, the correct play is the one that will lose the least. The correct play for any hand of blackjack is the one that will gain you the most money or lose you the least money. We know going all Ghandi and starving ourselves on hunger strike isn't the answer. We have to eat something, so try at every opportunity to make the play that either helps you lose the most weight, or, if that doesn't work out, then make the play that helps you overeat the least.
The other thing that has helped me greatly is having a fat dog that I feel obliged to walk. I could write a weight loss book that goes like this. Step one. Get a fat dog. Step two. Walk the fat dog until you're both skinny. The end. Kidding, but only kinda. There are so many days that I have absolutely no willpower whatsoever left to take a walk in the evening, but there he is, the forty pound rescue that was twenty six pounds at the SPCA before we got him. He was too thin from losing weight at the pound, but we remedied that in a hurry. In a month he gained an extra fifty percent of his former body weight. He used to be able to jump on the bed. Now he has to have a box near the bed for makeshift stairs. It's nine pm, and I'll be walking him after I publish this...even if it's raining. No dog? Borrow your neighbor's dog. As soon as you see it tethered in the back yard, just take him around the block a couple times. They prolly won't even notice. Even if their dog is not fat, practically every dog likes to walk...unless it's one of those little rat dogs that gets tired just walking outside to do its biz. Don't like dogs? Well, we can't all be perfect. Got a kid? I hear those guys need exercise, too. Play tag or soccer or something. No kid? Do NOT borrow your neighbor's kid. That shit is very illegal. No matter how much weight you need to lose, the police will not be sympathetic. On the other hand, the parents are probably desperate for a night out without kids, and you don't have to tell them your real motive is substituting out your zumba dvd for their rug rat.
I'm at one thirty seven, now, down from one thirty nine when I first posted about a month ago which is still about a half a pound a week, and, although the weight isn't falling off as quickly as I'd like, it took years to put the weight on, so I can't expect it to fall off overnight. I'm a little nervous about the holidays coming up. I'm leaning toward giving myself a "weight gain allowance" so that I can enjoy the holidays without feeling guilty for failing to stick with the diet. Not sure if that's wise or not, but I want to avoid getting discouraged and giving up. I will continue to daily document the calories so that I know exactly how bad I'm being, though. I think that will be important so that I'll be more likely to be bad when it's something I really like, instead of just gorging for the sake of stuffing my face. Laters for now, I've got a date with a fat dog.
