Friday, June 17, 2016

Negotiations Between the Slave and His Master



Scenario is slave owner trying to figure out how to get his slaves to stop running away so he offers incentives to the slaves. Slave owner says, “But I provide you food and housing and steady work. You never have to worry about anything. Isn’t labor a small price to pay for security? The slaves reply, “No, we still want to be free.” So the negotiations begin.

Offer: No more whippings for rule breaking.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: You can marry as you please, except, of course, for abominations like gay and mixed race relationships.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: Ok, even gays and mixed races.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: How about I pay you some wages that you can use on anything you want. You can furnish your homes better or dress in nice clothes?

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: Ok, I’ll let you build a church for no fee, and I'll build some roads to get there, and wire your homes with electricity and run fresh clean water that will occasionally be contaminated with poison. Mostly it will be clean, though. You only need to pay the cost to build and maintain the utilities, and then you get to use them for no charge, except for the fees that will be set by me that will be applied. Penalty for not using the utilities, even when toxic to your health, include foreclosure of your home or confiscation of your children.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: How about profit sharing? Instead of working directly for me, you work for each other, or even start a business and hire a bunch of people. After paying me the fees for maintaining the plantation, you can keep what’s left over. I’ll make it easy for you by deducting my fees before it’s deposited into your account.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: I’ll provide security. Some of you can wear uniforms, and you’ll be special and get to carry weapons. Some of you will enforce the rule of law of the plantation, and some others will fight against other plantation owner’s slaves. I will never be at risk, and many of you will die, but I will honor you with holidays a couple times a year where everyone will cook meat and thank you for your sacrifice. To prevent security from misusing its power, security will investigate itself of all claims of wrongdoing. If they find themselves guilty of wrongdoing, deceased victims’ families will be awarded large sums of money, which will be paid for by adding that cost to the fees the slaves pay, which I will conveniently deduct from your wages.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: All right, how about a say in how the rules are made? You guys, except for women and for chattel that are contaminated with more than one percent non-white blood, can vote among yourselves for representatives, and then they can make recommendations that I’ll adopt if I think they’re good ideas. You can even sue if you think the rules are unfair, and the impartial judges that I’ve selected specially to be impartial will make final decisions.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: Fine, non-white races are no longer subhuman, and women are now equals to men. You must promise not to forget the sacrifices your ancestors made and faithfully vote or else you dishonor them by not helping to choose only the most highly qualified slave drivers. Remember, your grandparents never had the privilege to choose their own master, and they gave their lives so that you could choose your and your neighbor’s new master. Also, if you don't help choose your slave driver, then you cannot complain about the conditions of your enslavement.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: A portion of the slaves’ wages will be placed into accounts and held there, and then upon disability or retirement, I will give you some of your money back.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: Medical care? Every slave deserves the basic human right to quality affordable healthcare. Every first world plantation should offer it.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Offer: For a fee, you can leave this plantation, and you can join any other plantation on the planet. That way you can select the slavery that best suits you.

Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

Final Offer: You can even run in an election for my job. If you win, you get to be the slave owner. The only requirement is to never abolish the plantation itself, since it protects you from tyranny.
 
Slaves: No, we still want to be free.

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